Balance

In the middle of a fairly rocky start to the year I have actually been able to be quite reflective and I am using that to my advantage.  Certain events over the past two weeks have caused this reflection and pulling of inner strength that I have apparently developed over the years without even knowing it.  In light of that I have been really honest and raw with myself looking back on my past and seeing how far I have come, but also aware of how much further I need to go.

A dear friend of mine and I were talking and she said to me, “you know I read somewhere about the concept of having a defining word for the year vs. a resolution and I think that might be something that you should consider.”  After thinking about it for a few days, and having a very “real” conversation last night, I decided that this was exactly what I wanted to do.  So my word for this year is BALANCE.  It is the one thing in my life that I need the most and probably the one thing that is the hardest for me to achieve.

I don’t know if it is being a woman, my personality, my profession, the way I was raised, being southern, or a combination of them all, but I am much more likely to give to others than to take care of myself.  The concept of taking care of yourself in my mind has always been associated with the word selfish which has a negative connotation.  But why?

Why can’t I look at taking care of myself, setting up boundaries and finding a balance in life as a good thing?  Why do I constantly, without even knowing it put the needs of others before myself?  Why do I lose sight of what is so important to me so easily, and just become comfortable doing what is convenient?  Why am I willing to fight for other people but don’t fight just as hard or harder for myself?   I have no clue, but my goal for this year is to figure out the WHY so I can make a change in this and learn to balance!

Spending the past few days with such uncertainty (something that I do not do well) and not having the control that I needed in my life forced me to focus on the areas that I can control.  I could have gone about this is a destructive way, as I have in the past, or the way that I chose to handle the situation this time.  I threw myself into Whole30, and getting myself back into my workout routine.  Both of these were things that needed to take place and important areas of my life that I had lost sight of, but hyper focusing on them out of the blue just to have “control” isn’t balance either.

So with a lot of thought and self reflection  I am going to continue with Whole30, since a January Whole30 has been the plan since November.  And I am going to go back to my regular workout routine of an average of 5 times per a week but stop the excessive workout routine of the past two weeks!   I also have a list of things that I am going to do for me in the month of January.  Things that I want to do and focus on myself, my interest, what needs to take place in my word, and honestly be a little selfish, which is something I think I deserve a bit of!

So here it is—My selfish bucket list for the month of January– a little bit fun and honestly a little bit boring!

• Complete Whole30 and successfully (for the first time) do the reintroduction process
• Read a book for FUN
• Paint something that is outside of my comfort zone
• Go to DC and participate in the Million Woman March on January 21^st
• Reconnect with an old friend
• Paint my baseboards
• Finally figure out what is wrong with my garbage disposal and attempt to fix it!
• Enjoy time with my friends at least 2-3 times this month!
• Create a budget so I can go on a “35th” trip!