Melissa Hartwig has a few quotes that have always stuck with me. “It is not hard. Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Quitting heroin is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Drinking your coffee black. Is. Not. Hard.” She goes on to say “This is not hard. But we know this is hard.” I have always found this powerful! Recently while listening to Food Freedom Forever on Audible, I heard the quote “It is not hard. Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Birthing a baby is hard. Losing a parent is hard. Drinking your coffee black is. Not. Hard. You’ve done harder things than this, and you have no excuse not to complete the program as written. It’s only 30 days, and it’s for the most important health cause on earth- the only physical body you will ever have in this lifetime. When I heard that, it just spoke to my soul.
It is no secret if you know me how I feel about Whole30. It honestly changed my life! It changed the way that I felt about food, related with food and helped me recover from a past of disordered eating. I know I can bounce from Whole30 eating to non Whole30 and what to expect, how my body reacts and how I am going to feel. I can eat what I want to eat and not worry about obsessing, counting calories, points or anything else. Within the constructs of Whole30 I am free to eat as much of what I want. It is black and white, easy for me to follow and I love it! In my normal world, I had food freedom!! My body loves it too. I feel amazing, have crazy energy, sleep great, my face is clear and my mind is fresh. Once I was finally able to focus on this and less on the scale I 100% saw the benefits of the lifestyle.
Then February 2017 happened. My world was rocked inside and out. My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and I ended up moving home to be there for her and do what needed to be done. For 2 months, I fought like hell for my mother. I did things that I never thought I could (or would). I learned how to handle conformation, I learned how to stand up for myself and how to get done what needed to be done. I watched my mom struggle, fight, try to give up and fight some more. Nothing else matter to me except my mom. I didn’t worry about the missed workouts, or the food I was consuming. I didn’t eat real meals or on a regular schedule at all. My sleep was horrible, waking up on a “hospital schedule” every 2 hours. I sustained life on excessive amounts of black coffee, hospital food and far more sugar than I ever should have consumed. I didn’t focus on me at all, and I wouldn’t change a single part of those two months.
Mom lost her battle with cancer exactly 2 months to the day after she was diagnosed. The days that followed were spent in a blur of planning, shock and eating whatever showed up at our door step that day. It wasn’t until I returned to Raleigh and went back to work that I even considered to focus on me. THIS WAS HARD, and still is hard!
I came back thinking what was best for me was to jump right on in to my normal routine, working out, meal planning and taking care of me. I was a pro at this and I totally could do it. Well I couldn’t have been more wrong! I could go on and on about how much I have struggled in all areas of my world since I returned to this “new normal” as everyone keeps calling it, but I will spare you. I will say that the person that LOVES to meal plan has bought groceries multiple times and let them rot in my fridge because cooking for myself didn’t seem important enough. I decided to start a Whole30 and made it 1.5 days! New Normal sucks!!!
Unable to actually focus long enough to read a book these days I decided to download Audible on my phone and listen to Food Freedom Forever. I read the book last fall, but I thought I needed it more than ever now. Best. Decision. Ever!!! Reminding myself of the reasons why I love Whole30, that it is okay to need ‘black and white” in your life and the realization that I have already done HARD, this shouldn’t be hard is exactly what I needed. Food Freedom reminded me that I can, and should, make my own rules. I have done Whole 30 before and I know how food affects me. I know what my triggers are and I know how to fight that sugar dragon that has currently taken over my body. So here goes!
Since even Melissa agrees that losing a parent is hard, I have decided that I am doing this in baby steps. I will only be giving up bread and other gluten grans, added sugar, sweets, beans, cheese and beer. I am allowing myself to eat non-gluten free grains, for the occasional nights I just can’t bring myself to cook and need to eat oatmeal for dinner, and the occasional glass of wine. I don’t eat dairy other than cheese, so I don’t have to worry about that one!
I am reminding myself daily to focus on the non-scale victories and the positive side effects. I am beyond lucky to have what is one of the most supportive group of friends and family a person could ask for in my life to help hold me accountable! Friends that let me flood their in box with photos of my meals, just to hold myself accountable to not go off plan. A boyfriend that is excited to go hiking and be active with me, and although he won’t actually eat zoodles with me, he is encouraging and supportive while I eat them! An amazing trainer that text and sends me recipes all the time. My old trainer and friend that set me straight and reminded me that I am a badass, and mom would want me to be living my life and not stand idle on her account. And my family, that without them there is no way I would be able to get the Kathryn that I have come to love and know back.
So here goes… my first “new normal” Whole30 reset!
betty Gets Fit 