Two Months Ago… and Why Another Round of Whole30

Two months ago I was headed back to Raleigh from Christmas break excited to see the awesome guy I was dating. Well I was tested to my core that day. I still remember reading the word on my phone… “I can’t do this anymore…”  Seriously this amazing guy just ended it with me via text??!!!  Not only is that just completely unacceptable it was 100% not the person I knew. Regardless of how it happened, I was at a crossroads. I immediately did what I always did when I got news that knocked me off my feet. I sank down right where I was in my house sat on the floor and burst into tears.    Then it started… I started to feel it in the pit of my stomach… that’s when I knew I had a choice to make was I going to be strong or was I going to let my inner demons win? Two months ago I had a choice. I went to the bathroom sat, in the floor, removed my Meredith ring and stared down into that toilet bowl like I have so many times before. But something was different. I thought to myself “not this time!!” I hadn’t come as far as I had to let someone or some single event in my life to take me back to that point. I had not worked as hard as I have the past few years to let this one experience to take be back to that dark place. I am not that scared little girl anymore that defined herself by a relationship or a guy. I am a strong woman that knows herself, her support network what she needs. Two months ago I had a choice and I chose to be strong. So I scooped myself up, wiped away the mascara, put my Meredith ring back on prouder than ever and called my “person” and dealt with my shit! 
In the days and weeks to follow I went to the gym when I got pissed off, stressed or sad.  I probably cried on the treadmill, elliptical, in the bathroom or with my trainer 10 times over the next two week, but I was okay with that. I was allowing myself to feel instead of controlling everything in front of the toilet. I didn’t look at food as a way to feel and process my emotions.   Instead I turned to Whole30, to remind myself of what food can do for my body and slowly began to feel amazing again!! 
Fast forward a month… I was in my LAST 24 hours of Whole30. I made it! I survived a break up, New Years and another round of Whole30 and was feeling stronger than ever. Then BAM– I get a call from home. It’s my nephew and all he delivers some scary news from home! Someone I love dearly was in the emergency room and they were not entirely sure what was going on. I was driving at the time and my stomach sank down. I couldn’t fall in the floor or burst into tears this time. I had to stay strong for Wilson who was scared on the other end of the phone. I immediately turned around went home walked into my house and into the bathroom. This time I didn’t even allow myself to sit on the floor or remove my ring. I took one look at that toilet and said “What the fuck Kathryn… you are not that person anymore.” I got myself together, packed a bag and went home. And I damn well finished my last 24 hours on Whole30!! Thank you Melissa Hartwig for creating Whole30. It has 100% changed my relationship with food, made me stronger and helped me learn how to cope with stress.  
So why another round so fast? Well I can’t share the reason just yet, but I know change is coming and it is going to rock my world. I want to make sure I am the best version of myself, strong, energize and full of tiger blood! I feel so much better when I am on Whole30 and shortly after I need that strength come the end of the month. So here goes another round…. and biggest non scale victory yet… NO STARTING WEIGHT or measurements! This time it isn’t about numbers at all!  It’s about what my body can do and my inner strength!! 
** In regards to people that are reading this and know me and my family. Everyone is doing well. They are still running a lot of test and trying to figure out exactly what is going on and what is wrong but as a family we are all strong and working through this all together.